


Out To Lunch

by corialis



Category: Honoo no Mirage | Mirage of Blaze, X/1999
Genre: Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-18
Updated: 2010-07-18
Packaged: 2017-10-10 15:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/101294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corialis/pseuds/corialis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naoe and Seishirou do lunch, with the occasional uninvited cameo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out To Lunch

**Author's Note:**

> Verges only slightly on excessive crack. Bonus points if you catch the surprise anime cameo at the end.

"Naoe-san," the man smiled, flicking the ash of his cigarette into the ashtray on the table of the outdoor café.

"I apologize for my lateness, Sakurazuka-san," he said as he sat down. "There was a particularly difficult exorcism to deal with."

"Ah, job difficulties," Sakurazuka smiled in detached way of people who can't really relate to what the other person's saying but are trying to be polite anyway. "I assume nothing happened to your Kagetora-sama."

"No," Naoe sighed, "thankfully. An entire summer of exorcisms, he's finally beginning to learn."

"So he is becoming quicker on the uptake, then?" Sakurazuka arched an eyebrow behind his sunglasses.

Naoe shook his head. "Only when it comes to exorcism, not anything else. You'd think eventually it would sink in, what with the throwing myself between him and flying shards of glass and thinly-veiled comments about devotion and our history together and occasionally forgetting to get a hotel room with two beds…"

"You are far too subtle," Sakuraza said, amused.

"That was my favorite suit that all that glass ruined," Naoe said bitterly. "Cut to pieces and all that blood on top of that."

"Hydrogen peroxide," was the absent-minded reply.

Naoe gave him a questioning look.

"Gets blood out of clothes," Sakurazuka explained. "Not that it matters if your suit was destroyed anyway – pity, especially if it was Armani, as it undoubtedly was, since it was yours – but for future reference."

"Not much blood in my line of work," Naoe said. "The dead tend not to bleed, though with the way things are going recently, it seems we're going to have a bit more dealing with the living."

"And the living," Sakurazuka said with a smirk, "tend to bleed a great deal."

"Yes," Naoe frowned.

The waitress came over to take their order, blushing and giggling slightly when they smiled at her. They could see her whispering to the other waitresses and sneaking glances in their direction when she stopped at the waitress station.

"You were saying something about subtlety," Naoe commented, watching the waitress out of the corner of his eye as she swatted one of the other waitresses on the arm, blushing furiously.

"Yes," Sakurazuka said, stubbing out his cigarette. "You and it have far too close a relationship. You need to distance yourselves from each other."

"I fear any more blatant advances would…not be well-received."

"Have you tried backing him into a wall?" Sakurazuka asked curiously. "Or, for that matter, any sort of physical contact at all?"

Naoe shook his head, and Sakurazuka sighed. "Why not?"

"I just told you that," Naoe said, slightly irritated. "Perhaps it is slightly easier for you, not having quite as much of a past with your Subaru—"

"Yes, all I did was kill his twin sister," Sakurazuka said sarcastically.

"—and I'm sure he does not hold grudges quite as long as Kagetora-sama."

"I wouldn't count on that," he said dryly. "Have you tried hanging around suspiciously and showing up at inopportune moments?"

"I see no need to stalk someone I am with almost constantly."

"So it's seduction you're having problems with, then."

Naoe gritted his teeth. "You could say that. Though I'm not sure what sort of advice you'd be able to offer."

Sakurazuka smirked. "On the contrary. Subaru-kun has very seldomly drifted away from the line he so enjoys walking between his desires to kill me and love me."

"Then he is, at least, fully aware of his desires."

"I wouldn't recommend inspiring homicidal urges. They tend to interfere with any seduction you try, and I think your Kagetora-sama has enough self-loathing already that you don't need to add to it."

"Not to mention he already hates me," Naoe replied bitterly.

Sakurazuka raised his eyebrow again. "I thought he didn't remember that part," he said.

"It's only a matter of time."

Sakurazuka chuckled slightly. "Well then, shouldn't you take advantage of the situation while he doesn't?"

"You're one to talk."

"I simply didn't see at the time what traumatizing a sixteen-year-old would—oh, yes, this Kagetora is seventeen, isn't he?"

Naoe's turn to raise his eyebrow skeptically. "And?"

Sakurazuka's ever-present smirk widened. "Never mind."

The conversation paused when the waitress brought their food. "Here you go!" she said, nervously enthusiastic as she put the plates down in front of them, and she blushed again as they smiled and thanked her.

"I don't know if you're one to criticize age differences either," Naoe said, allowing himself a small smirk, when the waitress had left.

Sakurazuka shrugged. "We're both allowed our idiosyncrasies. I happen to like beautiful things. You happen to be a masochist."

Naoe's chopsticks clinked against his plate as he picked up some of his rice with slightly more violence than necessary, and they occupied themselves with their food for some moments after that, assuring the waitress that they had no complaints when she came over to ask how the food was.

"You seem awfully attached to this Kagetora-sama—"

"I'm sorry, was I that obvious?" Naoe asked dryly.

"—I can't help but wonder what would happen if he were involved with someone else. You did say he was close to that friend of his…" Sakurazuka trailed off suggestively.

Naoe's rice was really getting far more abused than its job description had said would be necessary. "What Kagetora-sama did as Takaya-san has no bearing on him now."

"He is seventeen years old. You know how those teenage hormones get, I'm sure, and he is not going to stop being Takaya to be your Kagetora-sama."

Naoe gritted his teeth in frustration and gripped his chopsticks hard enough to snap them. "Yuzuru is not here for him now. I am. And how are you so sure of your Subaru not taking any interest in others?"

"Subaru-kun is mine. He knows this," Sakurazuka smiled. "And should he become involved with anyone else, I would simply have to kill them. Don't look at me like that," he continued, seeing Naoe giving him another dubious look, "it's not as though you wouldn't be tempted to do the same should you walk in on your Kagetora-sama in bed with someone else."

"I wasn't aware walking in on him in bed with someone else would ever be a problem."

"If it were."

Naoe shrugged and turned, suddenly very interested in the pedestrians. "I would manage somehow."

Sakurazuka smiled. "Yes, you and your masochism."

Naoe turned back to look at Sakurazuka. "And I suppose your rampant sadism is a much better alternative."

Sakurazuka pulled out another cigarette and flipped open his lighter. "It works for me," he said as he lit the cigarette and took a drag.

"I think you just gave the questionably-dressed young man at the table behind us a minor aneurysm with the obscene things you're doing to that cigarette," Naoe said, amused, as they heard a sharp intake of breath followed by a fit of coughing. Sakurazuka smirked over Naoe's shoulder and met the young man's bright green eyes, taking another drag on the cigarette as he did.

"I did say I liked beautiful things."

"You're going to give him ideas," Naoe said and Sakurazuka shrugged.

"I'm allowed my fun, aren't I?"

"Naoe!" came an unfamiliar voice from across the street, and Naoe swore quietly under his breath.

Sakurazuka's face brightened. "Don't tell me this is—"

A sullen-looking teenaged boy with messy dark hair and angry-looking dark eyes crossed the street to stand next to their table. "Naoe! What the hell are you doing here? Why'd you leave?" he demanded.

"You must be Kagetora-sama," Sakurazuka smiled.

The boy glared. "I'm not Kagetora. Are you another one of those crazy people?"

"Awfully sullen, but still attractive," Sakurazuka commented to Naoe, who had buried his face in his hands on the table and was muttering something about the gods hating him.

"Who the hell are you?" the boy scowled.

"Sakurazuka Seishirou, veterinarian," Sakurazuka smiled.

There was, suddenly, the sound of violent coughing from the party the waitress was leading to a table.

"Oh dear," Sakurazuka said, with a not-quite-sincere frown, "that's the second person today choking on oxygen."

The coughing young man, who had black hair and a long white coat and black turtleneck, seemed to be trying to leave the restaurant. A boy with large purple eyes refused to let him, saying something that sounded like "you need to eat" while the waitress stood by patiently for them to finish. The black-haired man finally stopped coughing and regained control of himself, and pointed to the table where Naoe and Sakurazuka were sitting.

"Subaru-kun!" Sakurazuka said to no one in particular. "What a pleasant surprise!"

Naoe's eyebrows raised. "So."

"Don't get any ideas," Sakurazuka said, still smiling, but with an added dangerous edge to his voice. "You do remember what I said about killing people."

"Killing people?" The boy standing next to them exclaimed. "Naoe, who the hell is this?"

"I just told you that," Sakurazuka said smoothly. "I don't believe you introduced yourself, however."

"Ougi Takaya," the boy said sullenly.

"Takaya-san," Naoe said calmly. "Calm down."

"You're having lunch, without me, with a man who casually talks about killing people! A veterinarian who casually talks about killing people!"

"Actually," the young man who had been struck with a coughing fit walked over and said calmly, the purple-eyed boy trailing after him, "he's not a veterinarian."

"Ah, Subaru-kun, always a pleasure." Sakurazuka practically purred.

"Good afternoon, Seishirou-san," Subaru said calmly. "May I ask who your friend is?"

"Naoe Nobutsuna," Naoe introduced himself.

"Sumeragi Subaru."

"Ougi Takaya," Takaya said again, not wanting to be left out of the conversation. "Naoe, how do you know these people?"

"Actually, Sumeragi-san and I have never met, though I've heard a great deal about him from Sakurazuka-san here." He eyed Sakurazuka with a small smirk.

"I'm sure Seishirou-san can be very talkative when the mood strikes him."

"Why so bitter, Subaru-kun?" Sakurazuka smiled.

"Because you're a bastard," the purple-eyed boy said, having finally come up behind Subaru.

Takaya looked rather inclined to agree.

"Actually, I believe my parents were married, at least before my father's death anyway," Sakurazuka said pleasantly.

"Kamui, be quiet," Subaru said quickly.

"Have I disrupted your date?" Sakurazuka asked, still sounding as though he were inquiring about the state of health of Subaru's kitten.

"I should be asking you the same thing," Subaru said, annoyed. "And we weren't on a date."

Kamui looked hurt for a moment at Subaru's vehement response to Sakurazuka's question before covering it up.

"That's rather unfortunate. I was," Sakurazuka said, straight-faced.

"What the fuck?" Takaya yelled, causing some of the patrons to turn and look at him disapprovingly for causing such a scene. "Naoe!"

Naoe gave Sakurazuka a look that said he would very happily watch him bleed to death through many small paper cuts.

"Don't worry, Ougi-kun, you featured very prominently in conversation."

With lemon juice poured over the paper cuts.

Sakurazuka reached across the table to cover Naoe's hand with his own. "Cheer up, Naoe, now we no longer have to keep our love a secret!"

It was almost impressive how Takaya, Subaru, and Kamui managed almost identical expressions of shock.

Takaya managed to speak first, after tearing his eyes away from Seishirou's blissful smile and Naoe's paralyzed state. "Well, if you're going to be like that, you bastard—"

He used the still-stunned Subaru's shirtfront to pull him close, and kissed him. Hard.

Subaru abruptly lost the deer-in-headlights expression and Kamui began backing away. He looked like he was attempting to put as much distance as possible between himself and both Takaya and Sakurazuka.

"Bad idea," Subaru managed breathlessly once Takaya let him go.

Takaya had a moment to shoot a triumphant look at Naoe before Sakurazuka had grabbed him by his jacket in an almost identical position to the one Subaru had been in.

"Remember how I was talking about killing people earlier?" Sakurazuka said conversationally. "I assure you, I do kill people as casually as I talk about it."

"Sakurazuka-san!" Naoe interrupted, standing up quickly. "Leave him alone," he glared.

Sakurazuka released his hold on Takaya's jacket and Takaya staggered backward, nearly falling until Naoe put out an arm to steady him.

"We did discuss my reaction to people touching what is mine," Sakurazuka said, displeased.

"I assure you Takaya-san and I will have a discussion about improving his manners."

"Hey!" Takaya glared.

"You are not going to make things any better for yourself by talking, so I suggest you stop," Naoe said calmly.

Takaya scowled. "I don't see why you suddenly care about what happens to me."

"I do care about what happens to you," Naoe sighed. "Stop being irrational. Let's go."

Sakurazuka smiled. "Well, it seems my date's been interrupted. Subaru-kun, would you care for dessert somewhere?"

Subaru looked at Kamui. "I don't think so."

"Pity," Sakurazuka said, sounding impressively sincere. "Perhaps another time, then."

"I am not being irrational!" Takaya protested in the meantime. "You disappear from the hotel room, leaving me to wonder where the hell you went, and then I finally go out to get some food – which, I might add, you didn't leave any money for – and I find you on a date with this lunatic!"

"Takaya-san—"

"And!" he continued, "now your boyfriend just tried to kill me, and you aren't even doing anything about it!"

Subaru winced reflexively at the mention of Sakurazuka as anyone's boyfriend.

"You're overreacting," Naoe said.

"I am not! I think this is a perfectly good reaction for someone who just had their – what the hell are you, anyway? – their whatever-the-hell-you-are's boyfriend try and kill them!"

"I am whatever you want me to be," Naoe said. "And if you'd calm down—"

"No, damn it! I see no reason to calm down!"

Naoe sighed and reached up to run a hand through his hair in frustration. "Takaya-san."

"And would you stop with the damn honorifics, already!"

Naoe, having run out of resources, yanked Takaya towards him and kissed him.

This kiss lasted considerably longer than the one Takaya had shared with Subaru.

"Care to follow their example, Subaru-kun?" Sakurazuka leered.

Subaru eyed the silently traumatized Kamui, who had sat down in Naoe's vacated chair and was muttering about how much he hated his life to no one in particular.

"And I believe you should thank me," Sakurazuka said to Naoe, who had stopped kissing Takaya when the need to breathe had kicked in, but hadn't let go of his jacket.

"I have no idea what's going on, and I'm not sure if I want to," Subaru said slowly.

"Ah, Subaru-kun, you really think I would go on a date with someone who wasn't you?" Sakurazuka smiled charmingly.

"I should've known better," Subaru sighed.

"Not like you'd ever date him in the first place," Kamui muttered.

Subaru gave him a puzzled look.

"I'm not sure which of us is 'him', but I would certainly date Subaru-kun should the opportunity arise," Sakurazuka said cheerfully.

Subaru twitched.

"Alas," Sakurazuka sighed, "I am but a humble veterinarian and unworthy of Subaru-kun's love."

"Seishirou-san," Subaru said through gritted teeth, "as amusing as I'm sure you find it to pretend the past few years didn't happen…"

Sakurazuka smirked and shifted his stature so that while one moment he'd seemed an unassuming man out to lunch, the next he triggered the alarms deep in people's brains that told them to run. "Just tell me what you prefer, Subaru-kun."

"You two have a really twisted relationship," Takaya observed.

"Takaya-san? What I said about not talking? Still holds," Naoe said.

"Like you're one to talk, Kagetora-sama?" Sakurazuka mockingly asked.

"I'm not Kagetora!" Takaya scowled.

Naoe still hadn't trained himself to resist the flinch Takaya caused every time he said that. "We should be leaving now, Takaya-san. We have work to do. Sakurazuka-san, I believe it was your turn to pay for lunch this time anyway."

"Right," Takaya said, still glaring in Sakurazuka's direction. "Wait, this time? This is a recurring thing?"

"It's not important, Takaya-san," Naoe muttered. "Good afternoon, Sakurazuka-san, Sumeragi-san, Kamui-san."

As they walked away, Naoe and Takaya could hear the sounds of the impending chaos behind them.

("Well, Subaru-kun, while you and Shirou-kun are here…"

"I'm not eating lunch with him!"

"Kamui…"

"Come on, we're leaving!"

"How rude of you.")

"You know," Takaya commented, "I don't know if you're ever going to be allowed back at that restaurant."

Naoe shrugged. "I think it was worth it."

Back at the café, the green-eyed man who had been distracted by Seishirou's cigarette shifted his attention from the strange tableau at the table behind him to his red-haired companion. "You know," he said conversationally, "every so often, I start thinking our lives are really fucked-up. And then all it takes is some time spent out somewhere in the city, and I realize that we're almost normal compared to some people."

The redhead shook his head. "We're still fucked-up, Yohji. There are just people equally so."

Yohji grinned and lit a cigarette. "Great, isn't it?"


End file.
